Do these genes make my butt look fat?

The answer is probably yes. The more interesting question is: do I sit on my fat butt and worry about it, or do I leap onto the treadmill for some vigorous butt-busting exercise?
Okay, so that wasn't as interesting a question as it sounded in my head. Here's something that's related though- buried deep in my genetic make-up are two little blips of DNA that decide for me which of the above options I should take naturally. Cool, huh?

It has recently come to my attention that there is a lot that Science (yes, it needs a capital, so it can continue to be pretentious and authoritative. Also, I happen to like the shape of a capital 'S',) is learning about the human condition. Perhaps you already knew about this, but for those of you that don't...
One of the more fascinating of these that I've come across lately is the Worrier/ Warrior genes or as Science names it, the 'catechol-O-methyltransferase (COMT) gene, which has a common variant at codon 158' of either 'valine (Val158) alleles' or 'methionine (Met158) substitution.'

So, to break the effects of these down a bit- you know that person that always seems to be fretting about whether or not they turned the lights off when they go out to the pub, or the people that prefer to stay inside away from anything remotely dangerous and read a book instead?
They're Worriers. Either one or both of their COMTs are methionine variants.

Now, the people who are all up-and-at-'em, on the rollercoasters, doing martial arts, taking risky financial moves and throwing a left hook at the guy who just spilt salsa on them?
They're Warriors. Either one or both of their genes are valine alleles. (Look here for allele clarification.)

Now, it is possible for a person to have either two Worrier genes, two Warrior genes, or one of each. These genes determine aspects of our personality and how we deal with certain situations. It has been shown that people that possess strong Warrior genes deal well with processing 'aversive stimuli' such as pain, while people that possess strong Worrier genes have a slight advantage in memory and attention tasks.

There are other differences too! Let's take a look at the Warrior and Worrier in detail.

The Warrior:

The good news is, Warriors seem to be able to cope with stress more easily! Their brains fill naturally and easily with dopamine when triggered by a stressor, which enables them to function much better (than Worriers) in stressful situations. If there's a cave lion attacking you, you'll likely win.
The bad news is, there's some strong evidence to suggest that Warrior genes make it more likely for the person carrying them to develop Schizophrenia.
There are also, apparently, external factors which influence the development of these genes. If, for example, you get high on the green leaf when you're a Warrior adolescent, you're much more likely to develop psychotic symptoms in later life. Crazy.
So basically, you get to be a cool superman that can take pain and not stress about shit but you'll go mental in later life. Bonus.

The Worrier:

The Worrier genes mean that there is a near constant chemical response in the body to stress. Dopamine fills the brain on such a regular basis and the adrenal glands are tired out so frequently that when a truly stressful situation does occur, the Worrier is much less efficient (than the Warrior) at coping with it.
Worrier genes have been linked to evidence that suggests anxiety disorders are much more common in people that carry this gene.
Worriers are likely to be pansies in the face of pain- it is shown that there is actual physical evidence that these people feel more pain than Warriors.
It is thought (based on actual research in Science) that Met alleles developed fairly recently (which, by the way, in Science language could mean hundreds of years ago) and 'may be particularly useful in complex environments where maximal performance is required on tasks of memory and attention.'
So, you get to be smart and attentive and, dare I say it, likely to be more intelligent but you're likely to have a mental breakdown later in life from all that stress.

Of course, if you have both, you could end up being a crazy legend like Ozzy Osbourne, who reportedly has one of each kind of gene. This might explain his recklessly bold career moves and his sense of insecurity and anxiety that has persisted throughout his life.
The best thing, though, is that neither gene is 'better' than the other. As far as Important Science is concerned, they've both made it through the evolutionary blender and persist to this day. We obviously need people that have different skills, different chemistry and different personalities for the human race to not only function, but to improve and develop.

If you'd like more information, or to re-read what I just explained to you but in confusing and Scientific terms, try here and here and for an entertaining piece about Warrior aggression, click here.

*Please note* That I am not a doctor, a scientist or an otherwise certified Ass that has any right to claim any of the above ideas as my own work. This post was written as a slightly informative, casual take on a piece of new and interesting information I had come across and decided to write about at 3 o'clock in the morning.

dnalrednoW ni ecilA: Through the Other looking glass.

Alice was, I believe, a perfectly normal human being with a vivid and slightly twisted imagination.

*You*, of course, could argue that if you look at some of the ideas suggested in the tales of Wonderland, you can read either the innocent, if confusing, dreams of an eleven year old child, or the hallucinogenic ravings of a maladjusted juvenile.

Let's walk through this mirror and see reality with a parallel scope. Of course, all of the following interpretations are tinted with the paint of my mind, and as such, I'm sure that you will find yourself making sense of these events in your own way.

We shall start at the place that all good stories start... at the beginning.

In the beginning, Alice was a sleepy young girl that was paying far too little attention to things that ought to have been thought about. Her cat, an innocently evil little fluffball named, of all things, 'Dinah', was apparently her sidekick in this miscellaneous muckery.
Alice, being the stereotype of petulant little girls who don't go to bed when they're told to, was very tired and fell asleep under a tree in the warm afternoon sun; although this fact is not apparent in the writing of the story, so as to make the reader question the reality of said events.
Later on, we may discover the fact that she got sunburnt and developed melanoma.

Now, we can assume one of a few things in this next part. Either Alice was dreaming that she saw a little white rabbit in a waistcoat with a pocket watch running to the hole in the tree or she was filled to the gills with hallucinogenics. In either case, that's precisely what happened, and dear little Alice decided to indulge her natural curiousity with no thought for the consequences.
I mean, really. Who jumps down a rabbit hole without a rope and some carrots to bribe the vicious bunnies?!

The scene at the bottom of the rabbit hole, that of a room with a table holding grow me/ shrink me drugs and a small door, is obviously some kind of reference to the idea that you can't get where you want to go in life without cheating sometimes.
That, or it was merely demonstrating how easily kids are tempted into taking drugs and thus we shouldn't leave our shrinking potions lying scattered around the house, in case they just happen to end up in a mysterious parallel universe, chasing a rabbit.

An important lesson here is that the grass always looks greener on the other side of the small enchanted door. Perhaps if Alice hadn't been so keen to escape to new pastures, she wouldn't have entangled herself in the curious happenings that followed. The question is, however, whether or not it was beneficial. Of course, if she had been a more organised sort of person that had given more forethought to the consequences of her actions, she may not have ended up ten inches high and swimming in a sea of her own tears.

It seems that Alice was a very unhappy little girl for the majority of this story; I choose to take this as a warning that taking drugs and chasing rabbits while wandering in the wilderness of your mind is a VERY BAD THING. This particular story is full of well meaning moral guidings. A good example is when Alice ends up being mistaken by the white rabbit for his housemaid, Mary Ann. She, the silly twit, doesn't correct him on the finer details of her true identity, and attempts to do the job of the maidservant. Alas, temptation appears in the form of a tiny bottle labelled 'DRINK ME'. Now, there are a few things about this situation that make it rather worthy of comment.

Firstly, a bottle that has any kind of directive label on it and is full of mysterious content is sure to be trouble. Secondly, let us take this anecdote as a caution against the vanity and dissatisfaction of self image. If Alice had been more content with the way she was, she would never have felt the need to drink. "I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!".
Sadly, little Alice learnt the lesson of Regret as she found herself unable to handle the consequences of her decision. "That's quite enough-- I hope I shan't grow any more-- As it is, I can't get out at the door-- Oh I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so much!".
Enough said, really.

The little girl *did* have a fairly good idea when it came to purpose, however. When speaking with the frustratingly obtuse Cheshire Cat, she said "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
To which the puss replied with a sensible "Well that depends a good deal on where you want to get to."
Now, Alice said next that she didn't care much where she wanted to get to; so long as it was _somewhere_.
This strikes me as a very mature response for such a young person, and perhaps something that is difficult for most people to grasp regardless of age.

Indeed, it is a question in the transient, arduous journey to seeking happiness: Will we be happy when we get to where we're going, or is it the journey that matters? Is it the destination, the goal fulfilled, the reward claimed that sates our need, our drive? Or is it the things that we experience on the way there, and the feeling of satisfaction that comes from merely moving, from continuing to walk to 'somewhere' instead of going nowhere?
However, in this case, we'll take a leaf from Alice's book, in which she states to the Mad Hatter "I think you might do something better with the time than waste it in riddles that have no answers."

Of course, after her encounter with this enigmatic man and the March Hare, Alice finally finds herself in the garden which tempted her into taking size altering drugs in the first place, which proves that you can, obviously, achieve your goals even when distracted, high, regretful and three inches tall, if you go 'somewhere'.

There are many other themes in this aphorism-laden story; things such as the power of authority, the wisdom of asserting one's boundaries when threatened (in Alice's case, with being beheaded,) and the importance of good sportsmanship in croquet.
The Duchess realised this, and indeed remarked to Alice as they strolled through the Queen's Garden arm-in-arm that "Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it."

I do find myself wondering if the King pardoning all of the executions ordered by the passionate-for-beheading Queen during the croquet game was a reference to the facade of rule and power of monarchs in England at the time (and indeed, now,) or if it was a more subtle allusion to the perceived 'madness' and impulsiveness of womankind in general, and the damage control initiated by men after the emotional bombshell has exploded.

Really, there's not much else. The story finishes with Alice's sister waking little Alice up, only then to drift into her own imaginings of strange alternate realities, the concept of which merely served to show her that life would go on as usual; that Wonderland was really with all of us, in our own minds, ready to serve up a good dose of abstract advice when we least expect it.