So, recently I've fallen into doing a lot of those things that a lot of fuller figured women hate.
I've been binge eating sugar, and blaming it on stress.
I've been comparing my figure to other women my age, and finding myself lacking.
I've been cringing at myself in photographs and mentally re-taking them without the double chin and the flabby arms and minus about 40kg.
I'm a strong, confident, intelligent woman with plenty of admirers and I love myself. So why must these insecurities, these imperfections, these destructive behaviours keep returning to haunt?
The answer: It's complicated.
Social pressure these days is not only about the 'perfect' image for women, but about the health conscious, which makes it more of a serious issue for most of the BBWs I know. Once it's not about looking like Barbie and being a sexy size 6 stripper that would fit on an MTV screen, but instead about the fact that being within the correct BMI framework means less serious health issues, better quality of life, and more time to enjoy things... You start to take it seriously.
You read all the books, buy all the 'right' foods, feel proud of yourself because you went to the gym twice that week, or because you chose to walk that extra bus stop...
Right before the pressures of that poster at the supermarket, advertising your favourite ice cream on special.
Or when your friend is being really depressed because her boyfriend dumped her; so you eat those calorie-laden fudge brownies you baked her in a marathon sugar/crying session over men. Your reasoning is that it's alright because it's comfort food, and it's for your 'emotional health'.
You're late for work and forget to make lunch, so you go to the bakery to buy something. Surely you can get a filled roll or something. Yes, you can. Ooh, and what about one of those apple strudel things? They've got fruit in them- it counts, right?
... One thing I can say, straight up: Bitches be crazy.
It's no wonder, with all the conflicting information we get given!
Be sexy, but it's essential to love and accept yourself how you are.
Be slim enough to fit into generic label clothing, but beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
Eat 'healthy'- which means, of course, being on the right diet for your body type/ blood type/ gender/ star sign.
I'm a Libra- that means I get to eat chocolate every day. Honest.
As a plus size girl of 23, I don't want to feel unattractive. I don't want to feel that I don't measure up to other girls my age, or that I have to accept just having compliments about my pretty face and my great personality.
I want to be admired. I want to see lust in a man's eyes, and in his pants.
I want to be a real woman, and to me that means having realistic goals for a realistic image and a healthy lifestyle that I have control over.
So, as a favor to myself, I'm going to stop lying to the one person in the world I lie to:
Myself.
I'm going to admit it when I'm eating for comfort.
I'm going to hold myself accountable for decisions I make and the consequences of them.
I'm going to take it easier on myself when I'm stressed out, and be harder on myself when it counts.
I'm going to set achievable goals for my weight, for my eating habits, and for my self expectations.
Most important of all, I'm gonna put a post-it note on my mirror, and here on Blogspot, to remind me of the most important thing of all.
We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. ~Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive
I've been binge eating sugar, and blaming it on stress.
I've been comparing my figure to other women my age, and finding myself lacking.
I've been cringing at myself in photographs and mentally re-taking them without the double chin and the flabby arms and minus about 40kg.
I'm a strong, confident, intelligent woman with plenty of admirers and I love myself. So why must these insecurities, these imperfections, these destructive behaviours keep returning to haunt?
The answer: It's complicated.
Social pressure these days is not only about the 'perfect' image for women, but about the health conscious, which makes it more of a serious issue for most of the BBWs I know. Once it's not about looking like Barbie and being a sexy size 6 stripper that would fit on an MTV screen, but instead about the fact that being within the correct BMI framework means less serious health issues, better quality of life, and more time to enjoy things... You start to take it seriously.
You read all the books, buy all the 'right' foods, feel proud of yourself because you went to the gym twice that week, or because you chose to walk that extra bus stop...
Right before the pressures of that poster at the supermarket, advertising your favourite ice cream on special.
Or when your friend is being really depressed because her boyfriend dumped her; so you eat those calorie-laden fudge brownies you baked her in a marathon sugar/crying session over men. Your reasoning is that it's alright because it's comfort food, and it's for your 'emotional health'.
You're late for work and forget to make lunch, so you go to the bakery to buy something. Surely you can get a filled roll or something. Yes, you can. Ooh, and what about one of those apple strudel things? They've got fruit in them- it counts, right?
... One thing I can say, straight up: Bitches be crazy.
It's no wonder, with all the conflicting information we get given!
Be sexy, but it's essential to love and accept yourself how you are.
Be slim enough to fit into generic label clothing, but beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
Eat 'healthy'- which means, of course, being on the right diet for your body type/ blood type/ gender/ star sign.
I'm a Libra- that means I get to eat chocolate every day. Honest.
As a plus size girl of 23, I don't want to feel unattractive. I don't want to feel that I don't measure up to other girls my age, or that I have to accept just having compliments about my pretty face and my great personality.
I want to be admired. I want to see lust in a man's eyes, and in his pants.
I want to be a real woman, and to me that means having realistic goals for a realistic image and a healthy lifestyle that I have control over.
So, as a favor to myself, I'm going to stop lying to the one person in the world I lie to:
Myself.
I'm going to admit it when I'm eating for comfort.
I'm going to hold myself accountable for decisions I make and the consequences of them.
I'm going to take it easier on myself when I'm stressed out, and be harder on myself when it counts.
I'm going to set achievable goals for my weight, for my eating habits, and for my self expectations.
Most important of all, I'm gonna put a post-it note on my mirror, and here on Blogspot, to remind me of the most important thing of all.
We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. ~Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive
