I was reading a blog post today, about the way the author saw relationships.
He stated in his post "And girls should never change for guys. He’ll never notice love."
I don't believe this is true, in a certain light. In my mind, it's correct because you should change only if you believe you want to. However, also in my mind, relationships should strive to be a mutual growth of both partners. Love is a changeable thing- when you're in a relationship for many years, the love deepens, mutates, shuffles sideways and backwards and into lukewarm then fiery passionate then deep, solid trust and affection and all the places past and inbetween.
You need to change to stay with it, to understand it. You need to respect yourself and how you want to be and reach for that, while at the same time understand and respecting your partners needs and wishes. If my partner wanted me to change, I would consider it seriously. If I felt like I wanted to change something for myself, I would definitely give it a go.
In the past, I've had an interesting relationship with change. Sometimes, I've felt like others needed to change because obviously I was perfect and they were the problem.
Sometimes, I've felt like both of us needed to change and I was but they weren't even trying.
Occasionally, I felt like I grew past the person I was with and needed to leave the relationship so that they could understand how they needed to grow by experiencing life without me supporting them.
The basic point I'm trying to make is that I believe that gender doesn't and shouldn't enter into personal and inter-relationship development. Whether or not people need to change is unique to the relationship and the circumstances around it.
An addendum to this is that guys should not get to play the stereotype card to get away with ignorance and lack of appreciation in a relationship.
'He'll never notice love' is a very strong statement to make.
It implies that you practicing consideration will not be acknowledged.
It implies that females are the only ones that can see and appreciate sacrifice and compromise.
I try never to take my partner for granted and I expect the same courtesy. If you're with someone that:
then it may be time for you to strongly and ruthlessly evaluate your relationship needs and future. He stated in his post "And girls should never change for guys. He’ll never notice love."
I don't believe this is true, in a certain light. In my mind, it's correct because you should change only if you believe you want to. However, also in my mind, relationships should strive to be a mutual growth of both partners. Love is a changeable thing- when you're in a relationship for many years, the love deepens, mutates, shuffles sideways and backwards and into lukewarm then fiery passionate then deep, solid trust and affection and all the places past and inbetween.
You need to change to stay with it, to understand it. You need to respect yourself and how you want to be and reach for that, while at the same time understand and respecting your partners needs and wishes. If my partner wanted me to change, I would consider it seriously. If I felt like I wanted to change something for myself, I would definitely give it a go.
In the past, I've had an interesting relationship with change. Sometimes, I've felt like others needed to change because obviously I was perfect and they were the problem.
Sometimes, I've felt like both of us needed to change and I was but they weren't even trying.
Occasionally, I felt like I grew past the person I was with and needed to leave the relationship so that they could understand how they needed to grow by experiencing life without me supporting them.
The basic point I'm trying to make is that I believe that gender doesn't and shouldn't enter into personal and inter-relationship development. Whether or not people need to change is unique to the relationship and the circumstances around it.
An addendum to this is that guys should not get to play the stereotype card to get away with ignorance and lack of appreciation in a relationship.
'He'll never notice love' is a very strong statement to make.
It implies that you practicing consideration will not be acknowledged.
It implies that females are the only ones that can see and appreciate sacrifice and compromise.
I try never to take my partner for granted and I expect the same courtesy. If you're with someone that:
- isn't appreciative of the effort you put in (the actual effort, not just all the things you come up with to make them feel like you're shouldering the brunt of responsibility in the relationship,)
- isn't looking after themselves even though you've talked with them about it (the talking is important- you perhaps should not expect your partner to know what you want/ what you're thinking instinctively.)
- leaves you feeling like you're responsible for the wellbeing of the relationship single-handedly, or
- doesn't grow and change with you to the point where you are two completely different people with different goals on different levels...
Have high expectations of your partner, as well as yourself- (within respectful boundaries and acceptance of who they are as a person- ha! You thought that one was gonna be easy, didn't you?) - after all, if you don't believe in them and think they can be more than they are, who will?
Challenge, exceed expectations, be better because you can, lift them up, inspire them.
And, lastly, love without condition as best you can. He/she should notice and if he/she loves you, they'll try to do the same for you.
