Self determination means?...

I recently read a follow up article about what it means to be a social worker. 

The original can be found here and the article that this blog post is based on can be read in full here. 

So, one of the concepts in the article sparked something in me. When talking about the things it means to be in the social work profession, the author stated that "it means bearing constant witness to the self-determination of others, even when the others are self-determined to self-destruct," and that "at least these individuals get to self-destruct with the dignity of choice and with the knowledge that their social worker honored that choice, if nothing else.”

This got me thinking. I like to believe that I respect everyone’s right to self-determination. Absolutely. In theory. The thing is, remembering that it's important when faced with the consequences of the decisions that people make; when faced with the suffering and pain and loss that can come from the right of an individual to choose… That’s hard. 

I think sometimes I judge more than I would like, the actions of others as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, in that automatic, subconscious space that we reserve for first impressions or susceptibility to advertising. When I hear from others day after day their judgments about the actions of these people, that starts to seep in and I start to empathise only with the visibly wronged.

In my job, the abusers become the villains, unless they have obvious trauma or extenuating circumstances of their own, which seem to give a subconscious 'free pass' because we justify why it wasn't their fault through those checkboxes. "Oh, they had a bad childhood. They don't know any better. Someone else got them addicted to heroin." The conversations in my workplace promote the way of thinking that says villains exist and should be punished; too often I've heard other social workers, their voices thick with disgust, say things like "that bastard deserves everything he has coming to him."

… But I know, from training and from lived experience, what a privileged position it is to take, to decide what trauma is valid based on how visible it is and where it falls in my moral spectrum. 

Everyone has trauma of some magnitude and description, and the people who abuse others, who inflict pain and suffering and rage at the world... are often the people who have been hurt the most. 

They are the people who haven’t been shown love and compassion and kindness and patience. 

The people who had their choices restricted, confiscated by the power of drugs and alcohol and violence. 

The choices of people who hit children, or smoke dangerous drugs while pregnant or who hospitalise their wives or stab dairy owners… These are the choices of people who have been rejected, over and over again by society, by family, by themselves. 

There is no hope for them, or so they believe; no visible path forward, no better or other way of doing. Often they are modelling the hurt that’s been inflicted upon them, or else making decisions based on a broken algorithm where information has been left out through no fault of their own. Perhaps this lack of information, of passing on socially acceptable values and ways of living that promote growth instead of destruction, is through no fault of their parents or whanau. 

Perhaps it was never shown to them, either, and the choices that you are witnessing these people make is an inter-generational pattern determined to repeat over and over again despite the best efforts of well meaning people. 

There is comfort in familiarity, even when what is familiar is pain and anger and desperation to escape. Change is one of the hardest things to do as a human being, even when we want to- most of us aren't wired to change easily. 

The conclusion I reach when I stop to think about these things is that I really don't have the right to judge, and nor is it helpful for either party.  I can certainly disagree with their decisions, and often so does the law- but I want to be the one person in their lives that has carefully safeguarded their right to choose. 

I want to be the person that listens to the pain and damage these decisions are signalling, and opens my heart, even while it hurts because I know that doing so might not change anything. 

NB: In writing this, I must make clear that I do not encourage or excuse the actions of people that harm others. I simply feel that judgment is not helpful in working alongside these people, and that change can only occur when compassion and hope are present. 

Reader Questions

Today's question from a reader was "What are your kinks?"

To differ this post slightly from the previous one, in which I believe I elaborated clearly what it is about being dominant and submissive that arouses me, I will attempt to list my major fetishes/ kinks and then awkwardly fumble through why they interest me.

Dollification.

Dollification is one of those semi-niche fetishes. I didn't learn about it until I had been involved in the erotic hypnosis scene for at least a year. (Erotic hypnosis is one of my big fetishes, Basically, it's about becoming or being a living doll. A lot of people are into being rubber dolls or china dolls or latex dolls- me, I'm a porcelain doll. I like the matte look, what can I say?

Dollification is different for everyone, obviously, but the reason I love it is because it takes a whole bunch of the activities and feelings I love in BDSM and combines them in one nifty package. Objectification- check. Bondage- check. Hypnosis- check. Dressing up and playing with makeup- check.
Honestly, the hours I spend laying on the bed, immobile, beautifully made up with my pussy being pounded like I'm simply a new toy from the store that's having a test run, are some of the most tranquil and erotic hours I've spent in a bed.

My thought processes (if I have any) are all on such a basic level. 'Mmm, cock. So good. Good doll. Need to be used. Owned by Master. Good cock, yes fuck doll.' is pretty much the level of coherence you'd find if you took a peek inside my head while I was being fucked in that context.
I like to be admired, to be played with, to be posed and touched and arranged and opened like a treasured thing. To be shared, useful, malleable. This is what being a doll means to me.

Roleplaying.

Roleplaying is both an old and a new love of mine. I have always roleplayed in the bedroom on occasion, but since meeting my current partner, it's become a major sexual focus for me. I love to create new scenarios, characters, weave a story together that takes me out of myself and places me into pure fantasy. We actually have a list of things we've done and things we want to try, it's that big a deal.

Roleplaying was how I came to have a fetish for something completely fictional. Be gentle with me, folks; even I don't understand how it works!
So... I have a fetish for Adeptus Astartes, which are fictional characters also known as Space Marines in the Warhammer 40k universe. Whew. That took quite a lot of effort to put down.
They're deliciously large, hulking brutes of men (that's a contested term, but we'll go with it for now) that wear armor and are very smart, perceptive and have muscles like tree trunks. Om nom nom nom.

Anyway, before I stray too much off topic, I'm trying to say that I like roleplaying. A lot. It gives us room to play as adults, to imagine possibilities and fulfil fantasies otherwise unreachable. It deepens our relationship by creating outlets for needs we might not have known we had before we put ourselves in the mindset of a completely different being. It's also really geeky. ^_^


Consensual Non Consent. (Caution- May trigger some people, skip to next bold title if so.)

Here's one that's been a constant through my entire sexual journey. The idea of consenting to not giving consent may be an odd one, but it works for me. Just knowing that within a certain context I can let go, give my power to someone else and be taken and used for their amusement... Incredibly arousing.

What's also arousing is being shoved to my knees to perform oral sex while I'm in the middle of doing a household task, regardless of whether or not I wanted to.
Being thrown onto the bed, or fingered in public, or fucked by someone that my partner has vetted and brought home to use me with. Having a hand squeezing around my throat, a palm slapping my face if I try to call for help... All of the consequences for not 'playing along' building in severity until I'm quivering from head to toe...

Being chased down and captured while I fight tooth and nail to keep my clothes on, knowing that he's bigger and stronger and faster than I am, so he's going to get his way anyway. Struggling until I'm sweaty and messy and tired and scratched up, tears streaming down my cheeks as I beg for mercy, but my pussy is leaking and he's grinding my face into the dirt while he thrusts so deep into me it hurts... And I realise that I'm cumming with every thrust of his cock.

The thrill of saying 'no' but meaning yes, of being forced to receive pleasure, to be full of someone, controlled by someone, in the most private and intimate way possible when and where they like, regardless of your mood or headache or errands... That, to me, is sexy.

Sadomasochism.

Pain is just a part of my psyche. At least, that's the conclusion I've come to after thinking about my relationship with pain. Now, I still adhere to the 'there's good pain, and there's bad pain' school of thought. I mean, having a broken leg isn't likely to have me moaning with pleasure.
Intentional pain, though... That's the key. Some part of my brain likes to take the feelings surrounding the pain- the surprise, the anticipation, the suffering, the vulnerability- and stream them into a sort of cathartic process that moves from release to arousal to orgasm. Inflicting pain on me is one of the quickest and easiest ways to get me into subspace, along with bondage and multiple forced orgasms.

On the flip side of the coin, I love to inflict pain. I love the look on the face of the recipient as they take yet another lash for you. I love the noises they make, squeals of fear or surprise, moans of arousal and semi-coherent babblings of obedience, pleas for mercy, occasional thank-yous.

I suppose the power dynamic of being the sadist in an S/m relationship fits with me in the same way as being dominant does (refer back to Day One.)
I can't really explain very well what it is that happens in my mind when I'm doing a scene with someone... It's like a switch gets flipped in my brain, and suddenly I realise that they're taking this pain for me and that I'm the one making their skin mark up like that, making them suffer so beautifully as their buttocks tremble and precious tears start to roll down their cheeks. With every hit of the crop, my pussy becomes wetter, swollen with lust. My heart swells with pride at how well they're taking it, so brave with every hit, so disciplined to stand there and allow me to do this to them.
My inner sadist rubs her hands together gleefully with every moan and wriggle, every drop of arousal dripping down thighs, because it's all part of the torture. Just suffer a little more for me, sweetling, and it will give you pleasure beyond anything you imagined possible. Honestly, it feels a little like making a deal with the devil.

So. There you have it. My main fetishes/ kinks. There are *many* others, some of which fall under these umbrellas, some of which don't. I'm still exploring, still finding things I like and dislike, and I expect that it will be some years still before I have an accurate picture of the extent and diversity of my fetishes.

Thirty Days of Kink Bandwagon and how I'm going to subject you, my dear readers, to it.

Well. It seems there's a new trend- Thirty days of... Everything. This particular version caught my eye, as kink is near and dear to my cold blooded dinosaur heart.
I will attempt to find the discipline to answer these questions as thoughtfully and honestly as possible- for your entertainment, of course.

So, Day One. "YOU…
Dominant, submissive or switch? List the parts of BDSM that get your juices flowing, what interests you the most? Basically define your kinky nature."

Ha! Isn't that a question? Well, firstly I'd have to say that I have so many labels that I probably look like a pilot's cabin baggage.
I'll try and single them out, look at each one a little more in depth. Basically- I'm a switch.

Dominant: Yes, I am. When and where and with whom I feel like, which seems to me an entirely dominant approach to take :P
It's a little complicated for me, though. I struggled a lot when I was younger, realising that I had dominant moments but not knowing what to do with them. There are a lot of stereotypes and unhealthy, judgemental attitudes about how dominants should be and act out there. I battled with all of them, because I was
- a female
- very young
- also submissive/ a masochist
- happy to be called a switch (which in some people's opinion is just being inconveniently indecisive!)
- wasn't automatically dominant with people that were obviously angling to be submissive to me.

See, the thing is, I'm pretty secure in my insecurity now. I don't need to prove that I'm dominant to anyone. Not even my submissive/s. I mean, they're making me dominant by default in their playing of the power exchange! If they didn't think I was their kind of domme, they wouldn't submit to me.
It's still a challenge sometimes, though.  There are all sorts of feelings around 'Should I have a more even balance of dominant/ submissive feelings?' and 'Why does it seem so rare that I feel that dominant connection with someone?'. The one question that really drives me crazy is why does that dominant connection happen? What special quality is it that snaps on the Mistress in me? I've been trying to observe the people it happens with- seeing if there are any common factors, or anything they do or don't do that other submissives might.
I'm still searching for that answer, but honestly I think it's kind of fun not to know sometimes. I mean, it certainly makes the connection spontaneous!

What it is about being dominant that gets my juices flowing? There's an easy question to answer!
It's about the trust that is handed to you by a person that's trusting you with their wellbeing, their emotional safety, their body and their private fantasies.

It's about the power, and the delicious satisfaction of knowing that you have complete control of another person. It's the look in their eyes that says 'thank you for helping me fill my needs', and the discipline of their mind as they take the pain, the challenge, the instruction for you even though it might be difficult or they may not want to.

For me, dominance is about showing people that they are cared about, connected to and loved in a completely different way. When I hit you, I mean 'thank you for trusting me.'
When I slap your face and tell you that you're an eager little slut, what I'm really saying is 'You're beautiful, and I'm so attracted to you and I love that you're so aroused for me.'
When I ask something of you and you tremble and bite your lip but you do it anyway, I feel cherished and adored because I see the preciousness of your obedience.
When I hypnotise you and make you orgasm without laying a single finger on you, your body is telling me that I'm all you're focussed on in that moment in time.

And, at the end of our scene, or our play, or our day, when I'm holding you and stroking your hair and you're covered in welts, bruises, sweat, cum, oil and you're glowing and exhausted and have let go of everything except belonging to me... I think about how much I care for you, and how guiding you to release your emotions, your frustrations like that is so freeing for both of us.

Submissive- Another label I indetify with. I have known that I was submissive since early on in my sexual explorations. The exquisite ability to just melt into someone elses' control is an indescribable joy for me.
I'm going to cut/paste shamelessly from another piece of writing I have on a profile of mine in the dirty reaches of the internet:

"I love to be degraded and used as a slut to fuck, a hole to fill, an object for someone elses' satisfaction.
I love to be taken from being pristine, kempt, poised and eloquent to ravaged, sweaty, messy and moaning incoherently.
I love that feeling of mindless worship that snakes into my brain and focusses me on just being a perfect channel for the dominant energy of my partner.
I love to be made to expose myself, to show off my body, my arousal, my insecurities.
I love to be dominated by intelligent men and women- people that understand that I am a complex human being with thoughts and feelings and opinions... And that none of that matters for even a second because, ultimately, when I'm kneeling at their feet with my eyes downcast and my pussy/ass/throat exposed to them I'm just there to be used, my intelligence being overcome and subsumed by their wilful desire.
Most of all, I love it when what I need and want and love aren't a consideration. (Within the bounds of prior agreement, just to clarify.)"

I love the juxtaposition, I think- such an intelligent and in control woman to an objectified controlled plaything.

I feel that this set of questions is slightly narrow in it's definitions, as I also identify as a sadomasochist, a doll (which I see as less of a submissive and more of a possession or object,) and a little- all of which I see as being 'kinky' identities that don't fit under the Dom/sub/switch umbrella.

So, that's Day One. I hope that you enjoyed the insight, please feel free to comment or question as you wish.
Awkward Dinosaur out! *chuurk*

Kink and You: A Young Person's Guide to Debauchery.

So, you want to play, huh? Good on ya, kid. I won't judge.
It'd be kind of hypocritical of me, seeing as I've been involved in the Kink community since I was 18.
I've made a few mistakes, missed the consequences of a few said mistakes, and paid for others. Now, I'm going to share my observations with you, dear reader, in the hopes that you will at least be aware of the naughty, naughty things you're doing to yourself.

First point, and the topic that all of the 'experienced' people bang on about- Safety.
It's actually important!
As someone interested in becoming involved in a high risk/ high trust hobby/lifestyle/interest, there are a few things you should stop to think about... Or at least pause on the way to your next play event.

Safewords are necessary. They don't have to be boring, if you're too much of an anarchist against the traditional 'Red'. Use whatever makes you feel comfortable* as long as you'll remember it in the middle of getting your first enema. *(You may have to use the traffic light system at certain venues or events, as a safety rule. Don't know what the traffic light system or a safeword is? Look here. )

Some other food for thought for your hungry brains: who else knows where you are?
Going to someone's house for a play date or meeting up at a private event is the same as getting into a stranger's car, or walking through a popular park late at night. Set up a safe call with a friend; get them to be around so you can call them at a certain time, and then get them to call you at a certain time a couple hours later. Txt them when you're safe home. It might sound inconvenient, but your life is worth it, right?
Any kinkster worth their salt will be completely fine with you making these arrangements; the better ones will laud it!

Next point: Communication.
You have the right to communicate your wants and needs. People aren't often aware of this, especially those in a submissive role. Your fantasies play a part in this game. If you don't have any yet, go watch porn, read books, talk to people, go to a local munch or kink event, join Fetlife. Discovering your sexuality is an exciting thing and I guarantee you that no matter how 'out there' you think your desire or fetish is, there are other people passionate about it too.
If you're playing with someone (or in a committed D/s relationship etc) with someone that isn't okay with you voicing your needs (and being told to 'shut the fuck up and get on all fours because you're not worth listening to' isn't one of your kinks,) then you need to be examining if that relationship is safe for you.
Everyone, even the most submissive of all slaves, deserves to be heard, to be treated with respect and to have limits and desires. (In some relationships, these desires and limits are decided by the person on top of the power dynamic, but even then it should always be after a negotiated discussion with the submissive partner.)

Now, I hate to sound like an old nana here, but make sure you mind your manners! Respect and basic courtesy are just nice to use anywhere, with anyone, let alone in a situation where you're exposing an intimate part of your personality to someone. Remember that play is consensual, and the other person chose to gift you with their trust, so a thank you now and then is nice.
Learn the expectations for events and clubs that you go to- it usually isn't difficult at all to find out what they are. Try asking the organisers, the owners, or even some of the other patrons. As a general rule, don't interrupt a scene that someone else is doing, make sure that you negotiate consent before playing with someone and try not to judge others negatively. There's a saying for that:
 "Your kink is not my kink, and that's okay."

Speaking of, I must reinforce that it is okay for you to not want to do what someone else is doing.
You're entering a wide, fantastical world of rubber suits, polyamorous relationships, pony play, fire cupping, kidnap scenes, adult babies, sexual objectification... The list goes on but don't let it intimidate you.
What you're okay with is what you're okay with, and there's nothing wrong with having a small and select arena of likes.

Don't let people tell you that you're too 'vanilla' or try and pressure you into 'just trying' play piercing or rope suspension. If you're not sure, just say you'd like to think about it, or that you don't want to. I've found that I often need to give myself time to observe, to learn, to question my feelings on certain kinks and activities before beginning to experiment with them.

It's also not a big deal to have a list of interests that fills a few pages. I have to trim the 'public list' down now and then so it doesn't get too unwieldy. Some people have one love, one passion that they focus all of their energy into and others have many special things that they do, some with different people or groups, some on their own, some in their fantasies. There is no hard and fast rule.

Hmm, let's see... What other gems of wisdom can I find for you young whippersnappers?
Ah, yes. Do what I just did and ask a question!
"How do you stop the ropes from digging into her ribcage?" "Why is that man wearing a dress?" "What is this odd metal disc for?" "What's the difference between a Pro Domme and a Fem Domme?"
There are millions of questions in a world as diverse and specialised as this, and most people love to talk about the things they love.

Now, here are a few notes that may be a little contentious, and are aimed specifically at you youngsters: If you are a young lady getting into kink, be aware that there is often a tendency to 'meat market'. Men, women, particularly older men in my observation, have a tendency to try their luck with the pretty young ladies. Who can blame them? ;) Most of them do it respectfully, but it's worth asking around about if there's anyone (non gender specific) that you should watch out for or be especially aware of.
Make sure you confirm your sources from a few different people though, and only use this as a guideline- gossip and rumour are as rife in the kink scene as they are anywhere else.
Your intuition makes the best guide.

If you're a little nervous about the idea of being fresh meat, try going to a TNG  munch (especially for newbies) like this one, or look around in some of the online groups to make friends that can back you up when you go to general events.

For the young gentlemen interested in being Dominants: The only way to get good at something is to practice. No one minds that you don't know anything- in fact, they expect that you're as green as a sapling. Get involved! Go to rope bondage classes, spanking workshops, ask that guy over there how he manages to get such lovely marks with his flogger. Advertise for a mentor, or watch other people playing.
Practice flogging on cushions, knife play on tomatoes, wax play on yourself. Read things! The internet is full of smutty ideas and how-to guides.

Sadly, a lot of the young men that I've observed getting into kink don their Impenetrable Confidence Armour and everyone thinks they're a pumped up dick that plays dangerously and gets into pissing contests with the older Doms. Don't be that guy.

Realistically, what this comes down to, regardless of gender, is talk to people. They might have an idea. Or two. Or they mightn't, and you might have to learn together. There is no loss in being curious about the world. In saying that, I must reinforce one of the points I made earlier- don't get sucked into rumour mills and drama. People have a lot of very strong opinons about what is okay in kink, what's not, who is sleeping with too many people, who has an odd kink, whether sex is okay or totally not acceptable in BDSM...
It's all just power plays.
Form your own opinions of people, kinks, situations, ideas and respect other peoples'. You do not have to explain yourself, you do not have to share the opinion of the majority, and so long as you're playing safely, sanely and consensually you don't have to feel bad about anything that you choose to do.

Right, so we've talked about safety. Also communication. General handy advice. Oh yes, the most important tenet of all... Enjoy yourself! Go get 'em, you sexual lil deviant.

BDSM is a wide, wide world with many other interesting topics such as:

• what to expect at your first play party
•  just why are you weirdos into this anyway,  
• How to tell or avoid telling family/ friends/ co-workers about your deviant interests and
• I'm not really kinky but I'd like some ideas for the bedroom.

I will cover these topics in my next post. Rawr!

What happened in 2012?

Well, I'm gonna tell you. I saw this on one of my friends' blogs and found it quite inspiring.
So, here's a breakdown of my 2012:

January

In January, I was living in a bedroom. My flatmate Lyn, a strict and somewhat 'traditional' Chinese woman had some very odd rules that made my life difficult. I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol, my male guests weren't allowed to use the toilet and I was supposed to store my mugs and glasses in seperate cupboards. Weird.
I was experiencing some pretty bad depression in January- I didn't have too many close friends, I was broke and I was missing my partner at the time, DancingBear, like crazy.

It was towards the end of this month that some unpleasantness happened with a few close friends and someone I really liked slipped through my net of opportunity. I was, however, running a game of Forgotten Realms D&D with a really great group of people. (Geek).

February

In February, I decided to apply to study rehabilitation at Massey University. I also received a letter telling me that I was entitled to a $3000 odd tax refund- I hadn't claimed any for a few years, and it had accumulated. Yay! I decided to use that money to visit America, a lifelong dream, and DancingBear. It was the best holiday of my life! So many amazing experiences- I'm definitely planning to go back.
I started playing a Star Wars MMO this month- super awesome. 

I also ended up in hospital around a week after I went to the States... I had an odd pain in my side that the doctor thought might be appendicitis. It turned out to be Mystery Illness #22 and we never did get answers.
One of my best friends Mikaela came back to NZ from Canada and I got to hang out with her. :)

March

This was the month that I met TJ, my current partner. We had our first official date on the 9th, at Silo Park in the city watching the legendary film 'Labyrinth'.
It was also the month that DancingBear and I ended our long distance relationship.
I moved out of Lyn's place and in with TJ and his best mate, Scott. I introduced TJ to a female friend of mine, K, who became a close play partner with both of us for a few months.

April

I was introduced to the concept of 'Earth Hour' in this month. I was really excited and saw an opportunity to have an earth hour once a month- good for us, good for the environment!
Scott, TJ and I got drunk and played 'I have never' while the lights were off. It was an experience :P

I was also super ill in April- it seemed to be one thing after another. Colds, bruises, severely injured kneecap...

May

May was the month I started playing Vampire the Masquerade, a tabletop rpg about, well, vampires. (Geek.)
I also handed over the reigns on my D&D campaign so that I and the group could embark on the adventures of playing Savage Worlds; Interface Zero.

June

During this time, TJ was going through some pretty severe emotional troubles and I was finding it difficult to have energy for much outside our relationship.TJ surprised me by proposing! It was very sweet and romantic and he made sure that all of my friends were there to embarass me :P

It also happened to be Scott's birthday this month and so I organised a secret birthday party for him.
I organised his family and friends to meet us at this fancy Indian restaurant in the city and told him 'put a nice shirt on, we're going out.' He was so surprised! <3

July

July was a month of adventure!
I discovered the Avondale Markets, which are full of culture and cheap awesome things! You can find more information here.

I also went on a roadtrip with TJ to Rotorua. We had an amazing time- petting lion cubs, bathing in mineral hot pools and camping in a field of beautiful white ice.
We stayed at this amazing holiday park which I would definitely recommend if you're heading that way!

July was also the month that we decided to leave our house at Range View Rd. We were... looking for adventure, I suppose. We found a large house in Avondale that fit all of us and lived happily ever after. At least, mostly happily. One of our flatmates decided to move out after just a couple of months and we couldn't make rent without them, so there was a stressful period in which I had to find someone that would fit with our flat in just a week!

TJ's birthday is in July too! So... I planned a secret surprise birthday for him. First, on the eve of his birthday, a cake and presents, a nice dinner and some friends over. Then, I organised a Mexican Fiesta at Mexicali in the city on the next night with a bunch of our friends- margaritas and quesadillas for all! We went bowling afterwards and I was pretty pleased with myself.

August

Was uneventful. Really the only thing of note was Father's Day and I had to celebrate that without my dad. In fact, I have not seen him despite assurances to the contrary since December 2011. I sorta kinda wish I had a 'real' family sometimes.

Around this time, things with TJ's ex wife got quite heated. Ah, the joys of having to deal with ex partners because of children. 

September

TJ and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary (yes, we are that lame!).
We also attended his annual work function, which, for someone with Aspergers and someone with social anxiety was quite the ordeal. The chicken was delicious, though.

I achieved a long held small-dream of mine this month. I finally got around to running an erotic hypnosis workshop. It was held in Hamilton and it went really well. I'm so glad that I could help to improve peoples' lives and relationships through teaching new skills.

October

My favourite month! Mostly because my birthday is right at the beginning of it. I was completely and totally spoilt by TJ! He organised a super secret lunch at Elliot Stables for me with two of my dearest friends, Joel and Mikaela. We then went to a hotel he had booked after, with wine and chocolates and a spa bath in room. He bought me the most amazing presents, and we had an early dinner at Mexicali on K Rd, complete with margaritas.
I spent all of his money that night on booze and strippers... Classy.

October is also when halloween is. TJ and I decided that we would take the little ones trick or treating. B, the eldest, was super excited and let me dress him up like a zombie. I was a sugar witch! N, the youngest, decided that he didn't want to do that silly dressing up thing.

Disappointingly, almost no one in our neighbourhood was celebrating halloween- the boys got like, 2 houses for candy. So, we took them to the Light Party down at the local park where there was a petting zoo and some free rides.
NZ really disappoints me at Halloween. It's such a fun holiday!

November

Ah, the start of the Christmas festivities! We went to the Farmers' Santa Parade with the kids, which was, as usual, amazingly fun. This year they also did an awesome thing with Aotea Square where Santa had a party with music, food and rides.

TJ and I started going to couples' counselling so that we could strengthen our communication. It didn't really work in the way we wanted it to, but fortunately we managed to figure things out on our own.

During this month TJ met someone. A girl. He really liked her, and as usual, she turned out to be crazy. They had organised a date (okay, so it was my idea,) to go to a Christmas Burlesque show on K Rd.
She ended up flipping the crazy switch before their date, so I accompanied TJ instead and we had a lovely date at our first ever burlesque show.

November was the time I started playing my tabletop love, Exalted. (Geeeeek.) Ah. Now, it would take far too much of your time for me to explain exactly what it is, but needless to say TJ is chained to the coffee table, reference books and dice permanently glued next to him, to be used as my personal GM for this entrancing game.

December

Party month!

Two weeks before Christmas was my eldest son's birthday. He turned 7. We had birthday cupcakes and played Monopoly ^_^

A couple of days later I was at Christmas in the Park with Scott, Joel and Mikaela. It was so much fun! Good food, good Christmas spirit and a whole lot of tweenagers getting drunk and saying embarrassing things.

Christmas was an emotional time for me. I'm always reminded of my family, or lack of, and I long for days of my youth where such a fuss was made and I actually had presents under the tree. So, this year I made a decision- I was going to make Christmas happen. My Christmas, the one I remembered from my childhood. Food, presents, lights, a tree, people.
I did it, too! I pulled off an amazing Christmas day and got to spend time with my friends and loved ones.

December was also a month of change- TJ and I decided to find our own place together, which will be an interesting step forward in our relationship. I also followed one of my new dreams... To be a patisserie chef. I have enrolled, and been accepted, into a patisserie course through AUT.  I'm going to be the best damn pastry chef in Auckland.


That was my 2012-  how was yours?