So. It's almost February. You know what happens in February?
Let me give you a clue: It's commercial. It's romantic. It raises peoples' hopes and expectations and then succeeds in dashing them; thus causing an argument that brings up every single disappoint experienced by either party and then it ends in tears and a hefty divorce settlement.
Yup, it's Valentine's Day!
Now, please don't read me wrong. I'm a dinosaur that likes a little romance in her life. I like presents, especially if they're wrapped in red paper. I love receiving flowers and being told nice things. I can even be partial to, dare I say it, being taken out somewhere nice with my partner actually behaving himself and occasionally glancing at me like I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.
However! Yes- you knew that was coming. Clever reader.
Valentine's Day has become something far more than it was supposed to be; the real meaning and intent lost in layers of pink tissue paper and extravagant cost-you-more-than-you-can-afford gestures.
In this post, we'll take a look at how it came about and what I believe it should really be about. (C'mon now... It *is* supposed to be my blog and therefore filled with lofty opinions that you must read in order to get to the entertaining stuff...)
So, Saint Valentine's Day was named after 'one or more' early Christian Martyrs. Apparently their supplicants lost track of just how many sacrificed themselves.
Originally, from all accounts, Valentine's Day had absolutely no connection with romantic love at all. It was really just about a couple of different men that were persecuted. Of course, if you're into that sort of thing, it could all be terribly romantic- It's like Romeo and Juliet all over again, except with a couple of Christian men that died for faith instead of love, and they were killed rather than commit suicide (because that would have been a sin!)
Okay. You're right. It was absolutely nothing like Romeo and Juliet.
Still, as these things happen, it became about love. Why?
A man named Geoffrey Chaucer set quill to ink to parchment and wrote a poem about love and mating to celebrate the first year engagement anniversary of some fifteen year old King to his fiancee. (King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia, if you really wanted details.)
The idea was so beautifully put, words singing off paper and into the love-thirsty minds of his audience, that Chaucer effectively gave rise to the belief and implementation of a tradition that was to be carried on for hundreds of years.
Traditions change over time; and when you take into account that people always have individual opinions and ways of doing things, well, something's going to get lost in translation.
There are so many different ways and days to celebrate love and romance in a global sense. At the bottom of this post, I'll even list some of the more interesting ones.
So how is it, with the perfect and pure intention of telling someone you love them, that it can all go so horribly wrong?
1) Women. They're involved in this holiday, whether you like it or not. The End.
2) Okay, to be fair and non-sexist, I'll add some clarification. How about society? Yes. That's a good one. Society has essentially built up the gender roles so that women have come to expect that on Valentine's Day, they'll be treated like a Princess and have gifts like it was their birthday and there'll be flowers and birds singing and... Well, you get the point.
There are a couple of problems with this, as you might have already guessed. (You're a wily bunch, you readers. I've got my beady, prehistoric eye on you.)
Society has, as it is wont to do, taken the feminist protests for the right and opportunity to work, have equal rights, equal pay and equal social standing- and made them almost compulsory. It is much less acceptable for women to stay at home and raise their children, cook for their husbands and keep a house running as a recognised role/ profession. Oh no! Those lazy bitches should be in the workforce, I tell you!
And so, the roles have become rolled when it comes to other areas of life and couplehood; like Valentine's Day. Uncertainty clouds the minds of people in their pre-Valentine's anticipation. 'Do I buy him something now that I'm working?' and 'Do we both pay when we go out for dinner?' and my personal favourite:
'She's the one that's into the bloody holiday; let her put the effort in. I'll wait and see what happens. Hopefully she'll get me that awesome Man-Toy3000 I've been hinting at after giving her pleasure.'
Amongst conflicting personal views and misinformation, Valentine's Day goes wrong.
4) Society. Okay, okay. I'll rename it. How about... Uh... Capitalism and the Media!
Valentine's Day is number one for the year on the retailer's list of holidays. It kicks off all the others; and 'love' is such a powerful way to guilt trip consumers into buying armloads of crap they didn't really want to buy. Heart-shaped cards that cost $10 and last 10 minutes... Teddy bears that get a squeal of delight, only to be thrown on the shelf for 6 months before the next big clean... Chocolates to make her fatter so she'll complain about her weight more... These things you simply must give your loved one or crush or you're being a bad person. At least, that's what media would have us believe.
5) Expectation. Aha! Got you there, didn't I? You were expecting a certain 's' word that rhymes with... Well, never mind. I win.
Expectation is the worst thing that ever happened to Valentine's Day.
It's the thing that sets you up for failure, or at the very least, disappointment.
When you're a woman, raised in- ah, here it comes- Western society, you come to have expectations of the kind of things that Valentine's is about. You're thinking flowers, chocolates, special and touching words of love and devotion. You're thinking dates, and dinner, and maybe even a chance to show off that sexy new lingerie.
You're also left thinking 'Oh, was that it?' and 'I didn't want that one. Doesn't he know me at all?' and 'Everyone else looks so happy. What's wrong with me/us?'. Even the toast he brought to you in bed was burnt, and you got crumbs all over the new sheets.
A day that was made to celebrate love and foster closeness in your relationship has just suddenly become a bleak and awkward day that you end up both wanting to avoid.
'There's got to be a way!' you protest. Well, here's the advice of someone that's been around for a few thousand years.
If there really was a Saint Valentine that looked after all things love related, I think that he'd want you to seek out your meaning of love.
I think he'd want people to practice loving consciously, which means taking responsibility for their part in love and making effort to be accepting, kind and considerate.
I also think that he'd be a really rich bastard because he'd claim the proceeds that come from such a ridiculously expensive holiday!
Let me give you a clue: It's commercial. It's romantic. It raises peoples' hopes and expectations and then succeeds in dashing them; thus causing an argument that brings up every single disappoint experienced by either party and then it ends in tears and a hefty divorce settlement.
Yup, it's Valentine's Day!
Now, please don't read me wrong. I'm a dinosaur that likes a little romance in her life. I like presents, especially if they're wrapped in red paper. I love receiving flowers and being told nice things. I can even be partial to, dare I say it, being taken out somewhere nice with my partner actually behaving himself and occasionally glancing at me like I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.
However! Yes- you knew that was coming. Clever reader.
Valentine's Day has become something far more than it was supposed to be; the real meaning and intent lost in layers of pink tissue paper and extravagant cost-you-more-than-you-can-afford gestures.
In this post, we'll take a look at how it came about and what I believe it should really be about. (C'mon now... It *is* supposed to be my blog and therefore filled with lofty opinions that you must read in order to get to the entertaining stuff...)
So, Saint Valentine's Day was named after 'one or more' early Christian Martyrs. Apparently their supplicants lost track of just how many sacrificed themselves.
Originally, from all accounts, Valentine's Day had absolutely no connection with romantic love at all. It was really just about a couple of different men that were persecuted. Of course, if you're into that sort of thing, it could all be terribly romantic- It's like Romeo and Juliet all over again, except with a couple of Christian men that died for faith instead of love, and they were killed rather than commit suicide (because that would have been a sin!)
Okay. You're right. It was absolutely nothing like Romeo and Juliet.
Still, as these things happen, it became about love. Why?
A man named Geoffrey Chaucer set quill to ink to parchment and wrote a poem about love and mating to celebrate the first year engagement anniversary of some fifteen year old King to his fiancee. (King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia, if you really wanted details.)
The idea was so beautifully put, words singing off paper and into the love-thirsty minds of his audience, that Chaucer effectively gave rise to the belief and implementation of a tradition that was to be carried on for hundreds of years.
Traditions change over time; and when you take into account that people always have individual opinions and ways of doing things, well, something's going to get lost in translation.
There are so many different ways and days to celebrate love and romance in a global sense. At the bottom of this post, I'll even list some of the more interesting ones.
So how is it, with the perfect and pure intention of telling someone you love them, that it can all go so horribly wrong?
1) Women. They're involved in this holiday, whether you like it or not. The End.
2) Okay, to be fair and non-sexist, I'll add some clarification. How about society? Yes. That's a good one. Society has essentially built up the gender roles so that women have come to expect that on Valentine's Day, they'll be treated like a Princess and have gifts like it was their birthday and there'll be flowers and birds singing and... Well, you get the point.
There are a couple of problems with this, as you might have already guessed. (You're a wily bunch, you readers. I've got my beady, prehistoric eye on you.)
- Sometimes there isn't anyone to give presents, make grandiose statements of undying love; or even toast in bed, for that matter.
- Most of the men that I know are against Valentine's Day for one reason or another- They're too lazy, they're broke, they don't see why they can't do those things for her on any other day where it isn't an expectation...
Society has, as it is wont to do, taken the feminist protests for the right and opportunity to work, have equal rights, equal pay and equal social standing- and made them almost compulsory. It is much less acceptable for women to stay at home and raise their children, cook for their husbands and keep a house running as a recognised role/ profession. Oh no! Those lazy bitches should be in the workforce, I tell you!
And so, the roles have become rolled when it comes to other areas of life and couplehood; like Valentine's Day. Uncertainty clouds the minds of people in their pre-Valentine's anticipation. 'Do I buy him something now that I'm working?' and 'Do we both pay when we go out for dinner?' and my personal favourite:
'She's the one that's into the bloody holiday; let her put the effort in. I'll wait and see what happens. Hopefully she'll get me that awesome Man-Toy3000 I've been hinting at after giving her pleasure.'
Amongst conflicting personal views and misinformation, Valentine's Day goes wrong.
4) Society. Okay, okay. I'll rename it. How about... Uh... Capitalism and the Media!
Valentine's Day is number one for the year on the retailer's list of holidays. It kicks off all the others; and 'love' is such a powerful way to guilt trip consumers into buying armloads of crap they didn't really want to buy. Heart-shaped cards that cost $10 and last 10 minutes... Teddy bears that get a squeal of delight, only to be thrown on the shelf for 6 months before the next big clean... Chocolates to make her fatter so she'll complain about her weight more... These things you simply must give your loved one or crush or you're being a bad person. At least, that's what media would have us believe.
5) Expectation. Aha! Got you there, didn't I? You were expecting a certain 's' word that rhymes with... Well, never mind. I win.
Expectation is the worst thing that ever happened to Valentine's Day.
It's the thing that sets you up for failure, or at the very least, disappointment.
When you're a woman, raised in- ah, here it comes- Western society, you come to have expectations of the kind of things that Valentine's is about. You're thinking flowers, chocolates, special and touching words of love and devotion. You're thinking dates, and dinner, and maybe even a chance to show off that sexy new lingerie.
You're also left thinking 'Oh, was that it?' and 'I didn't want that one. Doesn't he know me at all?' and 'Everyone else looks so happy. What's wrong with me/us?'. Even the toast he brought to you in bed was burnt, and you got crumbs all over the new sheets.
A day that was made to celebrate love and foster closeness in your relationship has just suddenly become a bleak and awkward day that you end up both wanting to avoid.
'There's got to be a way!' you protest. Well, here's the advice of someone that's been around for a few thousand years.
- Communicate. Let your partner know what Valentine's Day means to you, if anything. If you want those flowers, that romance, then let them know. It's better to talk about it then to play guessing games.
- Lower your expectations- do you actually need more from your relationship than you have? If the answer is yes, then Valentine's presents won't fix it.
- Try to give back a little; if making your partner feel loved and happy doesn't make you feel good too, you might be in the wrong relationship.
- Try spending time instead of money. It works, I tell you. Do something nice for someone you care about- it shows your love in a thoughtful manner. This can be a love letter (handwritten shows more feeling and effort than type- just saying,) or a quiet afternoon together in a pleasant place, or even getting around to putting up that new fence she wanted *and* painting it, even though she didn't ask you to.
- If you don't have a 'partner', hang out with your friends and family and let them know that you appreciate them! Love exists in many forms, right?
- Make a kind of Valentine's resolution. You know that love doesn't have to be, and in fact shouldn't be, celebrated only on one day of the year. So, from this day onwards, make an effort to show/tell your partner you care every day, even just in small ways. A kiss, a whispered encouragement, a little note on the bedstand.
If there really was a Saint Valentine that looked after all things love related, I think that he'd want you to seek out your meaning of love.
I think he'd want people to practice loving consciously, which means taking responsibility for their part in love and making effort to be accepting, kind and considerate.
I also think that he'd be a really rich bastard because he'd claim the proceeds that come from such a ridiculously expensive holiday!
Wow!That's a great one! I think my favorite thing to do on v day is if lucky to have a romantic picnic on a beach at sunset... with a basket of home made food and yes maybe even a hand made valentines card. and maybe when you get him or her home a rose petal bath and petals on the bed sheets in a shape of a big heart.
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